Be Gone. You Have No More Power Here.

On narcissistic relationships, the weight of self-blame, and how you take your power back — In Your Divine Time™

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There was a stretch of time when I'd be driving along, and his face would float up in my mind — uninvited, again — and I'd say it out loud like a spell:

"Be gone. You have no more power here." 

Straight out of the Wizard of Oz. And every time, it flipped a switch. It reminded me of something I had forgotten in that relationship and was slowly, slowly remembering: I'm the one who decides who gets power here.

If you've loved a narcissist, you know exactly what I mean. And if you're still stuck in the story, I want you to know — I'm not writing this from a mountaintop. I'm writing it from the other side of the same road you're walking.

The hardest part isn't the leaving. It's forgiving yourself for staying.

Here's the thing almost nobody says out loud: the deception is intentional. That's the part that's so hard to believe. You can't imagine that someone would consciously bring that much lying and confusion and pain into your life just to hold control over you. So you don't imagine it. You think the best of people. You speak the truth, so you assume they do too. There were no signs not to believe him — so you believed him.

That's not stupidity. That's a good heart being taken advantage of.

But you don't get to hear that at first. At first you just feel the weight of: How did I let this happen? How did I give up my car, my house, my friends, my family — myself — bit by bit and not even see it? You question your sanity. Your judgment. Your ability to ever trust yourself again.

And I believe that weight — the disappointment in yourself — is a huge part of what keeps women stuck. It's not just the trauma of what he did. It's the story that you should have known. That heaviness lives in the body.

Your nervous system keeps the score

I have a girlfriend walking through this right now. She's come so far — truly, so far — and yet she still bumps into him, because they work in the same place. And her whole body reacts. The trauma isn't in the past for her nervous system. It's right there, in the room, every time.

That's not weakness. That's a body that's been through something real, doing exactly what it was designed to do. Trauma isn't just a memory — it's stored energy. And you can't think your way out of stored energy. You have to move it.

Only you can give you your power back

I've been obsessed lately with Caroline Myss's Anatomy of the Spirit. One line has never left me: dysfunction and dis-ease begin when we give our power away to someone or something outside ourselves.

Sit with that. Every place we've handed our power over — to a person, a belief, a story about who we are — is a place that starts to break down.

So the whole path home is really one thing: taking your power back. And here's the fierce, freeing truth — only you can do that. Not a new relationship. Not something outside you that finally makes you feel full. You already have everything you need. You always did. You just handed the keys to someone who was never going to give them back.

So you take them.

How the power actually comes back

For years I kept the volume up in my life — relationships, marriage, work, school, alcohol, busyness — anything to not sit in the quiet. Because the quiet is where the uncomfortable stuff lives. The stories. The belief systems handed to you long before he ever showed up. The reasons that familiar, damaging energy felt comfortable in the first place.

But the quiet is also where you heal. Here's what actually moved me forward:

🌱 Turn down the noise. You cannot connect the dots over a life set to full volume. Get quiet enough to finally hear yourself.

🌬️ Sit in the uncomfortable — on purpose. This is why I love breathwork so much. It lets you drop into the heavy energy instead of running from it. And you sit right in the middle of it… and you breathe.

💛 Feel it to heal it. When you stop bracing against the heaviness and actually let yourself feel it, something shifts. You go "oh… that's why." And in that moment of awareness, it loses its grip. It stops being your story. It becomes something that happened, not something you are.

🌿 Move the energy out. Yoga, breath, sound, movement, stillness — pick one. Just one. See what works, stay with it, then find another. You keep moving forward, connecting the dots, releasing the heavy so the lighter energy can build.

That's the moment the trigger comes up and you finally get to say it and mean it: That's not part of me anymore.

Be gone. You have no more power here. ✨

Awareness is where you put the pin in the map

This is exactly why I teach what I teach. Why I built CAMP. Why we come together in community to breathe, to activate our energy, and to move the heavy stuff out — together.

Because you don't have to do the excavating alone. And you don't have to know the whole route before you start. You just have to put the pin in the map and say: let's start here. 📍

Awareness is that pin. The moment you realize I can help myself — that's the beginning. That's where your power starts coming home.

If you're the woman still stuck in the story, still bracing every time you bump into the past, still so hard on yourself for a heart that only ever tried to love — I see you. You are not behind. You are not broken. You are right on time. And, remember "You've always had the power, my dear, you just had to learn it for yourself."

And when you're ready to stop relaxing around the thing and start releasing it… I'd love to hold space for you.

In your divine time. 🦋

— Ananda