Everything Else Is Just a Bonus
On the loop, the rejection wound, and doing the hard on purpose.
All we need is love. Right?
We want to feel loved. We want to feel excited about our work — contributed, accepted for who we are and the gifts we bring. That's the whole thing humming underneath everything. We just want to be seen and loved for exactly who we are.
And then something goes not so great.
And suddenly we don't feel loved — we feel rejected. Self-sabotaged. And we go right back to the story. Of course. These things always happen to me. We play the victim. We keep the loop running. I can never have anything great in my life. And once that story is playing on repeat, we slide back into the old habits. Skip the gym. Eat the wrong things. Pour the drink. Go stagnant.
I think about someone I love. Years sober. And one person in her life left — and it brought up this old, old wound. Being abandoned as a child. That one thing was all it took. One binge weekend, just like that.
Because here's the truth: it was never really about that person leaving. It was the wound underneath. The rejection wound. The I'm not good enough wound. The one that never got healed.
We get stuck in the story
We get stuck in our titles. Hi, my name is so-and-so, and I am this. And the first opportunity we get to go back to that story, we take it — because the wound is still open. But that story? It doesn't even exist anymore. You don't exist there anymore. So why keep yourself locked in a loop of who you used to be?
How do you heal the story? The loop? The wound?
You have to feel it to heal it. You have to feel it, to heal it, to let it go.
And that means doing things that are uncomfortable to get to the good. And staying consistent, because here's where we trip ourselves up: we start feeling good. On top of the world. Everything's happening. So we stop doing the very things that got us there. We stop going to the gym. We stop doing breathwork. We stop journaling. We stop eating well. This'll be fine. But deep down you're still not fully healed — and that "this'll be fine" is the very first crack that self-sabotage slips through.
Consistency is everything. Not just in the practice — in what you listen to, what you read, what you watch, who you spend your time with. Consistent in the change you're making. Consistent in the healing you want to let go of.
Your timeline is your own
And healing is a different timeline for everyone.
We've all heard the formulas — take the number of years you were with someone, divide it by some magic number, and that's how long it'll take to get over them. What? Everyone's timeline is different. How long we grieve, how long we take — there are all these societal timelines, and we just go along with them.
Sometimes something traumatic happens, and you do the work, and you move on — and people look at you sideways. Shouldn't she still be mourning? How is she okay already? And you almost talk yourself back into it. Okay, let me go back to healing instead of living.
Don't. That's the exact thing to look at. To heal.
Reach for the harder tool
We all have tools in our toolbox. And we go to the comfortable ones first. This one's good. I like this one. It doesn't make me as uncomfortable. And then it doesn't really work — because you've already elevated. You've already moved past what that tool was for. You have to do something different. You have to shake up your nervous system.
And you have to stay with it long enough to feel the effects.
Sometimes we'll try a mantra or a meditation and go, this isn't working. Well — because you haven't done it long enough. In my teaching, you stay with a practice for 40 days. In 40 days, you start feeling the intention of that mantra, that meditation, moving through you. So you stay with it. And you journal along the way, so you can watch your own progress. This is how I felt on day one. This is how I feel in the middle. Oh my goodness — this is how I feel now.
Because some days you'll feel nothing. And the next day, nothing. And that's usually right where people stop. But maybe that third day — the one you were about to quit on — is the day the breakthrough was waiting for you.
It's like breathwork. People get fidgety. They shift. They reach for a sip of water. They do just enough to pull themselves back — right at the peak, right before they were about to release something, let something go. But when you're the most uncomfortable is exactly when you have to stay with it. That's the doorway.
That's why I did the hard
I know this in my body. I've trained for two New York City marathons. I've stood on a stage in a fitness competition. I've gone through training after training, and all of it was hard. In every single one of those moments, did I want to give up? This sucks. This is hard. Why am I doing this? Running two hours in the freezing rain on a Sunday. Eating chicken and eggs all day, carrying my food everywhere so I could compete.
And then I crossed that finish line. And I understood — oh. That's why I did the hard. I had to do all of that to get to the other side.
That's how committed you have to be to elevating. To healing. To becoming aware. It's constant, constant, constant work. Because we keep elevating — and then we get comfortable. This is such a great spot. And right there, your higher self starts nudging.
Your higher self is never going to nudge you toward something cozy and comfy. It's never going to download something that makes you go backwards. Your higher self is always leaning you into something that grows you — something a little scary. That's your soul path. That's the assignment.
And each time, you just have to trust it. Trust that flutter in the heart, that gut excitement. Oh, that's an amazing idea. And then — right on cue — the questions come. I don't know if I'm smart enough. I don't know if I have the money. I don't know if I'm pretty enough. I don't think I can do it. And you push the idea off.
But your higher self loves to bring it right back.
I know this one personally. I got so excited about a breathwork training that I booked the teacher, the hotel, the plane tickets — all of it. And as it got closer, I started questioning everything. Why am I doing this again? Why do I need to fly all the way to Oregon to learn breathwork? How silly is this? The excitement had worn off, and the nerves had moved in.
But I leaned in anyway. I just went for it.
And I am so glad I did. It has been the most transformative healing modality I've ever done — using my own breath to release, to heal, to let go, to stay consistent in my life. If I'd listened to the doubt, I'd have missed the thing that changed everything.
Do more acts of love
So this is what I keep coming back to.
Eating better. Moving your body. Leaning into the unknown and the hard. Trusting your gut, your intuition, that flutter in your heart. These aren't just habits — they're acts of love. And every day, you get to do more acts of love for yourself.
Because when you love you, that's what you radiate. And that's what the universe brings back to you. The people in your life feel it. You attract more of it — because when you're taking care of you, you're holding a standard for how everyone else gets to treat you.
If you don't take care of you, no one else is going to do it for you. You can't hand that job to anyone else. Only you can give you that love.
And everything else is just a bonus.
If you find someone who loves you unconditionally, no matter what — what an incredible blessing that is. But you don't need it. That's the place to stand. You have everything within you. You need nothing outside of you.
All you need is your love. That self-love, for you.
And that — that is when everything you want, everything you deserve, everything you're worthy of finally comes to you.
In your divine time — not a moment too soon, not a moment too late. 🦋
